So four years ago today I married my best friend. And we are even better friends now than we were then, which I didn't think was possible. And, yes, I know how sappy that sounds, but there it is, the truth. What can I say, sometimes the truth is sappy.
So here is the not so sappy part. Up until three days ago I had hoped to give my best friend the best anniversary present EVER! (at least for us at this time in our lives). But then I got my period, and well there went my present. Not pregnant. Again. I knew this was coming, I mean I took a test on Saturday and failed. But, if you've ever spoken honestly with a woman trying to make a mini-you-me combo, you know how completely irrational, and crazy we are. So of course the negative test meant absolutely nothing, because there was a slim chance it could be a false negative, right? I told you, we are irrational. And though I desperately cling to this crazy hope, that Saturday I was sad.
Will this ever happen for us? What is wrong with my body? How the hell do high school girls make this seem so easy and accidental?!?! And as I was about to be consumed by the dark thought that we may never get our dream, my best friend made me laugh. He, of course, had no idea what crazy thoughts I was having in my mind. He was just being himself. And himself makes me laugh, and wonder at humanity, and ponder at how wonderfully and beautifully made we truly are.
That is when I realized that if our future holds only the two us alone, that that is enough, more than enough. I love love love my husband. These last four years have been better than all the 25 I spent not married to him. I am truly happy with our life, our home, our dogs, our life style. And he is wrapped up in every single element. I am blessed, because I met someone who intrigues me and who for some odd reason finds me interesting too. From each other we learn and grow. With each other we overcome struggles and trials. He makes me a better person (again with the sappy) and I truly wish everyone could spend time with him because he has a way of rubbing off on folks. This world would be a way better place if people were a little more like him.
So what did I end up giving him as a gift anyway? Nothing. Not a thing. We're broke. Broke and happy. And blessed.
6 comments:
Oh Susie.... I can relate to every single word you wrote. You almost made me cry. Love you.
I am convinced that crying is good, no, great for the soul. Love you too friend.
So glad you guys are together! Congrats!! Love you guys!
Oh my god, Susanne, I am going through the very same thing! Apparently getting pregnant isn't so easy! Hang in there. I totally get all the irrational thoughts and frustration. I feel like we've waited so long, and now we are FINALLY ready, so it should happen immediately, right?!?
Susanne, this is beautifully written. I'm so glad to know you and your awesome dude. Congrats on four years of wedded bliss! I hope you ace that test soon. ;) Praying for you!
@ Megan, I hope you know that you are my soul sister in all this right? Love you.
@ Emily, I know, right?!?! This is the frustrating part, realizing that our sense of control was only an illusion. That we did it the right way and now where is our reward? Hang in there. I'l try to do the same as I learn to let go and just live in the now :)
@ Katie, you make me laugh so much! I hope I ace that test one day too :) Love you.
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