Saturday, July 23, 2011

Before I Leave

Of course everything is beginning to bear fruit, just as I am preparing to leave the country. My good friend Megan is going to take care of them for me while I am gone.

Look at how big these beauties are!

I hope there is something for me to enjoy when we get back. But if not, I am thrilled that we made it this far! So so so happy!

A Song From My Husband

My husband is a wonderful musician. Sometimes I take for granted how lucky I am to have such a gift living with me. I admit I have closed the door to drown out the music coming from his cave. I think in order to really relish those magical moments I need to slow down and just sit, being surrounded by melodic sounds. And I just don’t have time for that now. I never just sit still. It is the greatest tragedy of my life right now.

My husband has written many songs about many things, but I have never been the subject of them. At least not directly. I understand why, and I don’t mind at all.

Recently he surprised me with the most beautiful song. Ever since before we got married I have been eyeing wind chimes. I can never bring myself to buy them because they are so expensive. But there is something so soothing, so calming about them. My soul delights in them and takes flight on the wind with them.

One day I came home to this.

He made it for me. He bought the material from the hardware store, he looked up the best way to hang them to make them the most resonant. And they are lovely. I love love love my wind chime.

I couldn’t have asked for a better song. Thank you my love.

First Harvest

Here it is! There is one beefsteak tomato, and rest are Amish paste tomatoes. That is yellow squash. I probably should have harvested it earlier, but I didn’t even notice it until today.

And in the pots we have a banana pepper that I got a few weeks ago for a dollar at Lowes,

and eggplant from the Fullerton Arboretum.

I need to keep a close eye on my fruit or someone else will. Isn’t she so cute! She just loves fresh fruit from the garden. Can’t say that I blame her.

Not Dead, but Not Exactly Thriving

So the tomatoes are still sprawling, but some of the leaves are starting to turn brown and die. Not exactly sure why? But even though there are dead leaves, there is still fruit. I will have to wait to see what happens.

Oh, look! There is a red one. How exciting! Even if the leaves around it are shriveling and falling to the floor.

Which reminds me of the words of my mother-in-law. While showing her my garden, I commented on how I may not be able to count this as a success exactly, but it is better than last year, and who knows, maybe by the time I am 50 I will finally be able to support a garden that is beautiful and bountiful. To this she responded by recounting how her own mother-in-law tried throughout her 80+ years of life to keep a plant alive to no avail. I’m pretty sure that story was meant to encourage me, I think…

In the meantime, her are the Mr. Okra, and Ms. Strawberry, thriving.

I think this might actually be my first okra for harvest. So happy they survived the transplant.

Maybe I Didn’t Expect You to Last

Not this long. You did look healthy and strong, but so did many others before you.

These are my tomatoes. They are out of control. Which is an entirely different type of problem than any I have ever faced with gardening. I am used to caterpillars eating my crops, fungus taking my plants, and death by dehydration (or over-hydration). But now I face crops being suffocated out by the success of my tomatoes. You can’t see it in this picture, but underneath this tomato plant are small okras (planted by seed). Remember I showed you them here? Anyway, it is time for me to move them, or else say a final prayer for them.

So with the help of my wonderful husband, I have made a new home for my Mr. Okra, Ms. Strawberry, and Mr. Bell Pepper. They are quite happy to be out of that old crowed place.

Before I go, I wanted to show you this. I am not sure what it is. I planted cayenne pepper seeds in this pot, but I have no idea if this is cayenne or a weed. I wait in anticipation of a pepper, but if it is a weed, it will the healthiest weed there ever was. Time will tell…

Old Yarn, New Trick

Me and crochet will always be friends, always. But I have to admit that I have known for sometime now that I was going to need to step into the world of knitting. There are just so many more patterns for knitting. So why have I been dragging my feet? Well, two needles seems harder to me than one hook. But it is time. My curiosity has won over my nerves *Ahem-laziness-Ahem*.

Here before you I present my first project.

The beautiful little girl modeling this hat makes my work look way better than it actually is (Thanks baby Ruth, I love you so much!). I have since made 2 others like this and each one is better than the last, but of course I forgot to take pictures of those, so you’ll just have to take my word on that.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

A Moment of Transparency

John Lennon once said, "Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans". Those words haunt me now. I recently found out that having a baby will not be easy for me. And my plans of finishing school and starting a family, you know doing it the "right" way, was never something I had the power to plan for in the first place. Isn't that frustrating?!? This whole time I was planning, because that is who I am by nature, and little did I know I was wasting time, energy, and worse yet opportunity. But here I stand on this side of the truth, looking back does me no good. I can't change it.

But looking forward seems to do no good either. I walk into stores, past baby clothes then my eyes uncontrollably well up with tears. This activity, which was harmless before learning the truth, now is painful. I admit that before, when I would walk past the tiniest, cutest clothes there was longing, but it was assuaged by the thought that "soon, soon, my time will come". Now the thought is "will I, can I...if..."

I know that this is not the end of my family opportunities. Adoption was always part of the plan. I think I am just mourning the loss of this part of the plan, the dream. There is something primal about the desire to bear a child. It is irrational and so powerful. And that is why, I think, this is affecting so much.

The news I got from the doctor was unofficial, and I have to admit that I hesitate to take the tests to find out officially. I don't think I could take that now, not just yet. And I am still hanging, clinging to the words and hope of my mother, "Mija, your time will come, God knows". Yes, the Great Mystery knows, and meanwhile I will walk past the tiny dresses and jumpers quickly, narrowly escaping a potentially embarrassing scene, living my life outside of the perfect plan.