I am not sure exactly, but I think it is related to my childhood poverty. In the grand scope of things, we weren't truly poor, especially compared to others, but we did pinch and save, and struggle a bit here and there. I have one vivid memory of wanting to get some Fruit Stripe Zebra Gum (remember that?) and my mom telling me she couldn't afford it. I could see how she hated denying me that small gift, and I never wanted her to feel that way again. Somehow I think this story is part of the formation of my inner pack-rat.
But recently I have been wondering if that is what I want to be. One of my friends said she is a purger, to excess sometimes. We giggled over her tales of realizing she gave too many clothes away and had nothing left to wear. Yet at the same time I found myself drawn to her ways.
I have moved quite a bit over the last 5 years, and each time I do I have the burden of moving all my hoarded items. And I haven't enjoyed it. Each time I get rid of stuff, but never quite enough.
And now I wonder if what I am holding onto is worth holding onto. They say when you die you can't take your treasures with you. Maybe I need to spend less time collecting items, and more time collecting experiences. There is a purifying element to purging, a cleansing.
Perhaps a purging of past memories is what is needed, and the first step is to outwardly purge, that I would invite my soul to an inward release and cleansing...
3 comments:
I think purge is a very emotional process. So much of what we hold on to, we hold on to for emotional reasons, for memories attached to them, feelings, and often the guilt we think we might feel for letting them go. I have found that working through all that, is HUGELY liberating. Its not just physical weight you are throwing out of your house.
Megan, I definitely agree! I am reaching a place where I am realizing that holding onto things may actually be a sign of my spiritual ailments. I want to live a life that is truly free to offer to God and to journey through the adventure of life, but I am held back at times by the things I hold onto. I need to release, and let go so I can better let God.
I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on this. I'm currently in the process of what I'd like to be a major purge. I realized after living away from most of my things for a year that I really don't need them and prefer a simpler life style. However, it is hard letting go.
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